Failure Part I

Last week I wrote a fantastic piece on failure..

That's right. I failed to publish it.

I was the wee hours of the morning as usual. I had just finished a pretty long winded piece on my personal failures over the course of my life and the lessons I am embarking on learning from those failures. It was deep. It was detailed. I felt really good about the writing. As usual, I went to make an image for the header, inspired by the words on the page, something to do with rebuilding a bridge. The first part of creating a graphic for me, is to find a source to be an inspiration for drawing or manipulating in some new way.

So I went to search for a cool bridge to draw. I thought I opened a new tab before I typed in the search bar. But I didn't. As my image search opened, I realized I had just closed my writing without saving it.

The lesson is an old one. Save your work along the way and make backups. Also, slow down and double check things. In fact, I normally write in Ulysses, an app that is extremely wonderful for writing and saves every character typed, but I had gotten in a hurry and written the post directly within my site. Always write in an autosave writing program that saves every character.

Then I failed some more. I couldn't really remember how I started the piece. I was so shocked at the loss that I couldn't remember what exactly I had written. Then I got depressed and mad as I sat for almost an hour trying to recreate something that I couldn't find.

But the real lesson is that I can still write about failure. I have more time. I can write a ten piece series on failure. Hell, I can write a fuckin' book about failure. I'm pro level. Last weeks failure isn't holding me down, in fact it has fueled me to do more and share more.

A year ago that would not have been the case. I had all but given up. Thank the Firstborn Starchild for the few real dear friends (you know exactly who you are) who reached out and held me up when I wanted to slip into a hole and disappear from the shame that came through my failures.

So there you go. Many of you feel it. Beaten down. Often by our own decisions or lack thereof. It's okay. You can get up again. Besides, this life of pain is short and it's almost over. It's just dust in the wind. But while we are still here we can get up and sing into its gusts.

Much love friends,

Jesse Barney